Book Review: Kosher ADHD

When I was in 4th grade, I was diagnosed with ADHD by a school psychologist. Among other issues, I had difficulties sitting still, difficulties not calling out in class, and difficulties concentrating on subjects that I didn’t care about. I suddenly found myself getting extra time to take exams and extra help in certain subjects, but no medication was ever prescribed (I didn’t even know there was medicine). In the middle of 8th grade, though, I was suddenly undiagnosed. I still have no idea what went into that decision, but if I had to take a guess it’s probably not because I no longer had ADHD - anyone who knows me knows I’m incapable of sitting still - but because my “symptoms” were no longer maladaptive.

What changed? In between grades 4 and 8 I discovered my love of reading and found interest in particular subjects. Instead of avoiding books, I read multiple at the same time, switching between them as my interests peaked and waned. Instead of needing extra time to take tests, I was done with them in half the time needed and devoting the rest of the time to reading. If I found myself unable to pay attention in class, I’d pull out a book under my desk instead of pacing around the room. So that was that.

I would never have revisited that time in my life if not for having just read the new book Kosher ADHD: Surviving and Thriving in the Torah-Observant World (Kodesh Press, 2023). It’s an insightful volume, written by Psychologists Simcha Cheshner and Sara Markowitz (the latter being Rebbetzin at Fair Lawn’s Congregation Shomrei Torah, where I spent much of my formative religious development) with the goal of offering “unique strategies to help overcome the challenges of ADHD - not just in general, but also with specific observances like Shabbat, prayer, and Talmud study.”

Before getting into any of those strategies, though, I want to note that this book brought me to a sad realization - had I grown up frum, I likely would not have stayed that way. The pure fact of the matter is that I only got interested in Judaism when I learned to appreciate it for myself, and that appreciation came from discovering it in a low-pressure environment. If I was raised in the Orthodox world, it’s very likely that I would have ended up completely turned off simply because the way that frum people were raised would not have jived with me, as the opening chapters of this book make painfully clear. “As a result of the poor fit between the basic neuro-biological temperament of the child with ADHD and the demands of society, parenting and educating a child with ADHD is replete with challenges. When parents desire to raise a child with ADHD according to Torah-halachic norms, the challenge is multiplied.” This is made even more difficult by the simple fact that many authority figures find it difficult to “refrain from jumping to conclusions about the child’s moral character based on samples of behavior.” This is true both at home and in school:

a child with ADHD may have difficulty davening if Hashem does not answer immediately. She may have trouble not touching carefully set place settings on the carefully set Shabbos table while waiting for Kiddush on Friday night. He may not be able to refrain from ice cream after his hot dog (in violation of the prohibition against eating milk after meat), even though friends of the same age may have already mastered this skill. The price paid for such behavior is enormous. Punishment for their actions is administered through formal and informal channels… when Torah institutions do not provide for the child’s basic needs, most children in the twenty-first century abandon the society that rejects of abuses them and seek satisfaction in other settings. [emphasis added]

When the community cannot adequately provide for individuals to develop and flourish in their own ways, they have no one to blame but themselves when those individuals find a new one that is healthier for them. This requires teaching by example rather than forcing perspectives and approaches down a child’s throat as well as other strategies. The first part of the book is replete with ways that parents can re-train themselves in approaching ADHD children, and much of it is relevant to teachers as well. But for the remainder of this review, I want to focus on two areas of personal interest - davening and Torah study.

When I first learned how to daven, I found it excruciating. I didn’t understand the words (though I could read them well) and couldn’t sit still long enough. I often finished davening long before others, and found myself yelled at when I tried to quietly pull out a book while waiting for the shatz to catch up to where I was. Fast davening is simply part of who I am as a Jew and artificially extending it is detrimental to my concentration. As such, I always preferred davening by myself at my own pace to davening with a minyan. With that in mind, I was gratified to see that the suggestions offered in Kosher ADHD were things that I had discovered for myself years ago. In addition to suggesting that people with ADHD engage in hisbodedus that allows them to use their own words rather than those prescribed in the Siddur and encouraging well-timed breaks as needed, Drs Cheshner and Markowitz suggest making people with ADHD gabbaim and baalei tefilah as frequently as possible.

This may seem counterproductive, but it’s often the opposite. Being the one to help set up shul, collect chumashim, find people and call them to the Torah, reciting mi sheberachs and the like all “allow for activity in the midst of the Torah reading and breaks the reading into shorter chunks” while allowing them to “play an active role in the shul” and to “move around actively and legitimately.”

Leading davening accomplishes similar goals. The authors note that “many people with ADHD love singing and are quite proficient at learning the nusach of tefillah.” It “may not feel natural to ask the student who was totally disconnected during the shiur to serve as the Baal Tefilah” but “leading the service may allow him to connect with the community and with the tefilos” in a way they would not otherwise. In my own experience, being up there and needing to actively modulate tune and tempo also naturally allows for a slower and more methodical davening with more active concentration on the words. Leading davening regularly in university completely turned my relationship with minyan around for the better.

Perhaps the biggest difficulty facing individuals with ADHD in the frum community is Torah learning. In Orthodox communities, Torah learning is seen as “the cornerstone of Jewish life” and “an individual’s Torah knowledge and Torah-learning ability are often used as societal measuring sticks.” However, those with ADHD have significant difficulty sitting still for too long, especially doing so while deciphering an ancient language without punctuation about subjects of little practical import. Several suggestions are offered in this regard (more than I’m about to list), many of which helped me to love learning in my own journey:

• Make sure the learner has a relationship with the material

• Make sure the learner has opportunities to succeed, methods and expectations don’t extend beyond their ability

• Make the material meaningful

• Provide a strong vocabulary foundation

• Present the daf in a format that meets the learners needs (perhaps consider Steinsaltz or punctuation)

• Chunk material into manageably-sized units

Allowing students to have some say over what they learn and how they learn it (while still making sure that basic skills and knowledge are imparted) is incredibly important and I consider myself incredibly lucky to have had such flexibility in my studies. It was only because I had the time to develop in my own way and focus on the aspects that I actively connected with in the moment that I was able to develop the skills to learn Talmud and ultimately pursue ordination myself.

One final point that has to be emphasized (despite having mentioned it already) is that so many in the frum community assume that a lack of interest in davening or learning stems from a moral failing. This is an unacceptable mentality with the community itself to blame. The authors make this very clear:

Rebellion against a Torah lifestyle usually reflects a lack of attunement between the young person’s social-emotional needs and what the individual internalized from the Torah community. In order to correct this, the person must experience the Torah based family and community as being attuned with one’s social-emotional needs. Spiritual growth, today, only occurs when the individual is absorbed in a developmentally attuned environment.

Such knowledge is not only useful when confronting individuals with ADHD, but in conversation with any number of people who are having difficulties finding their home within Orthodox Judaism.

This was ultimately just a small selection of Kosher ADHD, which is written with both children and adults, as well as parents and teachers in mind. It’s a useful volume that has important ideas bolded for emphasis, useful charts, and closes each chapter with a recap of the most important bits of information. It’s incredibly powerful and practical, accomplishing all of this while still emphasizing the need to consult doctors, psychologists, and rabbis as needed rather leaving everything in your own hands. If you know someone with ADHD or just want to better understand it yourself from an Orthodox perspective, there is no better book at the moment.